I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
