dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
