im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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