thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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