u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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