He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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