She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
