these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
