so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
