when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I've blown a few things in my day
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
