Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
