JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
