i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
