you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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