HIV tests are more positive than that guy
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
