I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Randomize
