your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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