Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
