Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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