just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
