I puked a lego.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
