she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
