she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
No subtext here. People are naked.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
