he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
