Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My vagina just clenched in fear
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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