either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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