The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
