Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
