she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
