So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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