saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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