Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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