HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
