Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
