Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
