we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
