there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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