you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
