i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
