so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
