he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Randomize
