textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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