Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
