Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
