I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
