you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
