Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
