i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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