Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
