I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
