I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
