sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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