I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
