I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
