I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
