I wannas sexs uuuuu
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Randomize
