Just fell off a train. Bad.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
