Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
