is your mom at the bar?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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