I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
