apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
