remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
