I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
