Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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