You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
