I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
