i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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