Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
